Four years, one paragraph

It never ceases to amaze me how many bits of myself can be found all over the place.This blog, for example, I've completely forgotten about it. 2008? Try 2012. I'm about to graduate nursing school, I've left my last religion, I'm dating an amazing guy, I've embraced my BDSM tendencies. I've traveled out of the country to Costa Rica, I've learned sueca from a respected curandera. I've learned and forgotten Spanish, I've lost and regained Djnyra, I've moved into my own apartment, gotten my own job at Egleston's Family Library, I've danced the stripper pole. I've illegal pot and enhanced my senses. I've smoke legal tobacco and enhanced my asthma/ bronchitis. I've pierced my nipples.  Compare/ contrast that shit. I wonder how contrasted I'll be from now in four years.

Placed

I think one of the major problems I've stuggled with is my inablity to find a group of people whom i am naturally comfortable with. If I am with a group of peple, it usually feels like I'm trying to keep up or I'm strugleing to stay as some part of the conversation. but Yesterday at Spencer's party, I just fit in. I don't know, I just had no problems with anybody. I chatted and joked and laughed and had fun like it was the easiest thing to do in the world. So I thought to myself: Maybe it isn't only me that's the problem. Maybe I've just honestly been stuck with people of another personality. I've pretty much accpeted that there's just a type of attitude that I just don't have chemistry with. But, their are other people that I can actually relate to and stuff. Okay... getting bored typing. Mom's in the hospital, her heart's been acting up.... I guess I'm just a little nervous. Well, gnight.

Numbers

Of course I am aware of the tragic earthquake that has killed thousands in china. "Thousands Killed" That word is being used a lot today, but it takes awhile for the meaning of those words to truly sink in. I could have just as easily been any one of those thousands of people killed . Those hundreds of children who have died are my little friends in the Elementary school down the street. Hundreds of Ravens and Ashleys and Joshuas have died. All of those whom they knew have been affected, if they are alive. Just6 a few days ago, those people were the same as us: some arrogant, some loving, some with a large sense of humour, some seeking a promotion, some going to college, some getting married, some celebrating their birthday, some celebrating the birth of their best friend's baby. It's just a powerful reminder of just how tragic this situation is, and it motivates me to become more involved and useful for my community. The idea of becoming a nurse has never been as appealing to me as now.

So Far So Good...

So I spent most of my day in the car with a bunch of douche bags the other day. They're all loud and all they talked about was 'O she got pregnant? NO WAY!' Naturally, I wouldn't have much to add on to this conversation, since I hardly, know any of the people. Yet, they are the kinds of people who misunderstand a quiet person as a boring person, so I doubt that I'll be spending much more time with them. At the moment, it hurt that we didn't make such a fantastic connection, but now that I look back on it, do I really want to drive around without a seat belt going 90 mph with horrible weave and cracked acrylic nails talking about how sexy that guy with his ass showing at the gas station is? No. I simply simply don't. What I want is the company, but I shouldn't change my standards or alter my personality just so I can try to blend in with people I don't even really like. And there are good qualities about those guys I was talking about: they are easygoing and people are generally comfortable around them. But there are damn good things about myself too, and I don't want to throw that away. Of course, this all came to me over time, at the end of that day I was focused on how lame I felt. But not now. Now I'm more focused on the events happening on the world scene, like the earthquake in China and the wildfires in Florida. When I hear about events such as these, it makes me see how unimportant my little insecurities with a bunch of kids are in comparison with the rest of the world. There is a greater picture, and I don't want to be one of the commonplace youths who are to attached to their i-pods and ring tones to care. I want to be informed, and I want to be in a position to help. I will be strong, in my own way. I will not let peer pressure define me.

Shittin' Water

Nothing frustrates me more than life wasted.
That's why I've been VERY happy today, my first day of Summer vacation from college. Every moment was spent doing something; learning or truely enjoying myself.

I started off a little adventurous: I tried the Salt Water Flush for the first time. Honestly, I was pretty sure that I was going to die for the first hour or so. Believe me when I say that the nausea was almost unbearable. All I could do was lay on my side like some poor sick cow. I was scared, because they say that you're supposed to go in less han two hours, and my time was about up.Yet sure enough, exactly an hour and fifty minutes after I drank that monstrosity, I shat the most putrid watery substance I've ever known. I was just happy that all of that salt didn't clog up in something like I had origionally feared. Not bad for the first day of vacation, huh?

Anyways, after that I worked on my vegetable and, uh, herb garen for about and hour or two. I'm thinking of growing some chamomile and lavender, maybe some more bell peppers and my little hullucinating buddy I like to call Salvia. No shame, it's leagal (for now...)
I Played Xenosaga 3 for an hour or three, then I learned how to make one of my Dad's turkey and spinich stews. Ugh, I need to learn how to put more power behind my whacks. :)
After that, I read a little bit of Lu Xun's work (amazing guy if you've never heeard of him). His work allow me to glance upon a time when college students were directly involved in political changes, and actually gave a hoot about what was going on in the world scene. Alas, our ipod generation couldn't hold a candle to those guys...
Well, I fell asleep and now I'm here, enjoying the fact that I lived this day to the full.
Yay me!

I'll miss you, Agnes Scott

I'll miss you, Agnes Scott.
I'll miss the daily morning commute down Covington highway
I'll miss the way your fancy teacups were occasionaly dirty
I'll miss the silk worms that trap many a passerby
I'll miss the widespread reputation of your polite young ladies
I'll miss that handfull of amazing bitches who did their best to shatter that reputation
I'll miss those occasional misaligned bricks that have tumbled many and will tumble many more
I'll miss the way your teachers teach more than what the textbook has written
I'll miss all of the flip flops "In the winter?"
I'll miss the way your pizzas are sometimes fully baked, sometimes not
I'll miss the contageous and never-ending effort to hold the door for the person behind you
I'll miss your freakishly green grass
Always greeen. Always.
I'll miss the way your pancakes are perfect
I'll miss the paintings of amazing people whom I've never cared to learn more about
I'll miss those pink flowers that flourish in the winter but shrivel away in the spring
I'll miss the way everyone sits crosslegged in any chair, anywhere
I'll miss the spiral staircase in the library
I'll miss those awful "get to know you" games for first-years
I'll miss the the way your cooking staff is all black, a small dose of reality on a fairy-tale campus
I'll miss the Spanish speaking construction and maitanence
I'll miss the way everyone who catches your glance while walking immediatley averts their eyes
What more can I say?
There are too many things to record.
So I have tried to capture the sensation of being a part of you
So now, I can visit you whenenever
When I close my eyes
I can feel you

Forming my voice

Through this blog I will concentrate that vague mass of personality floating around in my mind.